'Twas the Night Before Christmas on Sonoma

A Poime by KewL DooD


 

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the shard
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept a macroing bard
The backpacks were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes generous GMs soon would be there

The bank thieves were nestled all snug in their robes
While visions of easy marks danced in their lobes
All of us regulars here at the Y
Had just settled down, to pass the night by

When out on the lawn there arose such a scream
Everyone looked 'round, to scope out the scene
Away to the front door, we flew like a flash
'Twas just in time for a halberd's last crash

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Shone red from the blood of the newbie below
Then, what should our wondering eyes thus impart?
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny great harts!

With white-bearded driver, all dressed in red
The same as the name floating o'er his head
He bent over the corpse, started carving away
We knew in a moment, IT WAS SANTA PK!!!

Our numbers were many, our characters brave
We all jumped on Santa PK in a wave!
More rapid than eagles, his great harts they came
Santa PK cursed soundly, then called them by name

Now Corp Por, now Vas Flam, now on Vas Ort Grav!
Now Ort Sanct, now Wis Quas, and others I have!
To the top of the hedge, to the top of the wall
Rel por away, por away, por away all!

And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The thumping and whumping of each little hoof
We all headed inside, and as we turned round
Down the chimney came Santa PK with a bound

Dressed in red magic plate, from his head to his foot
He chopped down our tree, and then stole the rule-book
He snooped all the patrons, and summoned EVs
Then stole all 15 of my insta-log keys!

His dimples, how merry! His twinkling eye!
He looked 'round, then said, "UR all gonna die!"
Then with no more words he went straight to his work;
To make us all take unplanned naps in the dirt.

I whipped out my halberd, as all followed suit
We were hungry for Santa PK's blood and loot
He had sullied the Y, brought us nothing but grief!
He was worse than a Noto-PK or a theif!

My halberd, it whooshed, my halberd, it whiffed!
I couldn't hit Santa PK, I was miffed!
The Y's other patrons hurled arrows and spells
But they all missed Santa PK just as well

His casting was swift, his footwork sublime
Three bolts he could put in the air at one time!
He guzzed Gheals with 1 second's delay
And I wondered, "Now why can't *I* do it that way?"

The light bulb went on, I let out a scream
"This scumbag must utilize UO Extreme!"
Santa PK turned his head 'round my way
"Corp Por" *thwack* "Corp Por", all I then saw was gray

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
Flew the bodies of patrons, those doomed to die
And then, when he was the last one left standing
Santa PK ran forthwith to the landing

He gathered our heads, and he gathered our loot
He jumped in his sleigh in his red armor suit
As he drove out of sight, I heard him exclaim
"Man, U guys suk! U guys R all LaM3!"